Today's Dare
Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home. Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it. Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.
Progress is happening! Last night, my husband and I went on our first official date since the middle of last year! We went wine tasting, then I made him dinner at his house. We had great conversation, talked about God working in our lives, what's going on with our families, etc. Then we picked up our son from the sitter and spent the night together as a family. To wake up next to your husband is a great feeling! To hold him and feel the closeness again is something NEVER want to take for granted! We are slowly coming back together and letting God heal our hearts. It's not an easy process and we still have bad days where we don't get along perfectly, but we are sooo much further along than we were even a month ago!
With todays dare, I have to be completely honest...Most of my fights with my husband start because I had expectations that weren't met. I thought I deserved something to be done the way I wanted it and when it didn't happen that way, I get VERY upset! He can contest to this as well. Haha! I know that its because I'm a perfectionist and play out certain scenarios in my head as to how I want them to be and then get incredibly disappointed when the scenario that I created in my mind is a huge let down from reality. I'm a daydreamer. I daydream ALL day long about different things and create things in my mind as to how I want them to play out and when I wake from the dream and its completely opposite in real life, I let it ruin my whole day and we end up getting into an argument about something so stupid that wasn't even a big deal to begin with. He didn't meet my expectations of something and now I'm frustrated and mad. I will admit- I have been guilty of throwing a fit or two and then I feel like a complete idiot afterwards and have a lot of making up to do because I decided to have ugly behavior toward someone that I vowed to love and respect and is imperfect and will NEVER meet my needs 100%.
With todays dare, I have to be completely honest...Most of my fights with my husband start because I had expectations that weren't met. I thought I deserved something to be done the way I wanted it and when it didn't happen that way, I get VERY upset! He can contest to this as well. Haha! I know that its because I'm a perfectionist and play out certain scenarios in my head as to how I want them to be and then get incredibly disappointed when the scenario that I created in my mind is a huge let down from reality. I'm a daydreamer. I daydream ALL day long about different things and create things in my mind as to how I want them to play out and when I wake from the dream and its completely opposite in real life, I let it ruin my whole day and we end up getting into an argument about something so stupid that wasn't even a big deal to begin with. He didn't meet my expectations of something and now I'm frustrated and mad. I will admit- I have been guilty of throwing a fit or two and then I feel like a complete idiot afterwards and have a lot of making up to do because I decided to have ugly behavior toward someone that I vowed to love and respect and is imperfect and will NEVER meet my needs 100%.
The first paragraph in this chapter says, " Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment. The higher your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration."
This couldn't be said any better!! This is not to say that we can't have any expectations at all, because we all have preferences and our own way of doing things and expect our spouse to meet our many needs. We used to bend over backwards for our mate when we first dated, tending to their every need and going out of our way to make them feel loved. Over time, this fades. We get into routine. We get busy. We let life get in the way of loving our spouse the way they need us to and we stop encouraging them. Instead, we start constantly discouraging them and telling them only the things they aren't doing right and aren't making us happy. That's what happened with my marriage. It was constant discouragement and lack of attention to each others needs that broke us down.
We need to lift each other up, even through the frustration of unmet expectations. The more they feel loved, the more they will want to go out of their way to lift you up as well and meet your needs.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Encourage one another and build up one another.."
We all need to feel loved and desired. If your spouse has verbally told you that you make them feel insecure and beat down, you need to take it seriously! We need to be our spouses #1 cheerleader!! Even when we feel like they don't deserve it. Lift them up & encourage them. This is sometimes sooo much easier said than done and some days this will be the hardest thing to accomplish. I promise you, if you continually pour God's love into your spouse, they will return it back to you. It may not be right away, but it will happen eventually. Learn to love unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. That is how Jesus loves us...unconditionally.
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