Last night, my husband and I had a pretty deep conversation while laying in bed.
We shared how God has transformed us and freed us both from addiction (drugs, sex and alcohol).
I was an addict for over 10 years. I was raised in a broken home that was full of abuse and addiction. That was what I knew. I was always seeking attention & fulfillment in the wrong ways to fill the void of pain and emptiness I constantly carried with me.
My husband has also battled addiction for a good period of his life. Unlike me, he was raised in a very loving Godly home, with 2 parents that did an incredible job raising him! So, there goes to show that addiction isn't just handed down in broken families, it can happen to anyone, even those raised in a loving home.
I cant speak on his behalf of his testimony, if you're one of the lucky ones to hear it, its worth sitting down with him and listening. God has used him in ways that are just mind-blowing and God has clearly given my husband a heart to serve those that are broken and in need.
My husbands addiction was far worse than mine though.
Last night as we lay there, I asked him how he got clean and he said, "Honestly, I don't know. It was a miracle. It wasn't me, it was all God." I asked him if we were strong enough at this point in our lives if someone put it in front of us and noone would know we did it, if we would relapse. That's when it hit me....
We will always be overcoming addiction, having that temptation and experience of chasing that "high" for so many years.
It never goes away. Its always a part of us, no matter how many years have gone by.
I hate addiction. Its destroyed me personally, my family and many others that certainly didn't deserve to be impacted by it. I've lost people over it and almost lost my own mother last year.
I have done terrible things because of it and hurt the people I love the most.
So please trust me when I say that I KNOW the pain and shame it brings.
I'm just going say this....There is no cure for addiction and other life issues besides God.
Our addictions stem from an absence of God in our lives. We search other things to fill a void and "quick fix" that only He can fill. No person or drug can do that for us.
If we are strong in our relationship with God, we are armored with His strength to fight those things that are set out to destroy us.
We cannot win battling our demons on our own.
“But he said to me, My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
(2 Cor 12:9)
I am so thankful for the Lord and my husband, they both saved me from myself.
If I'm honest, I often feel unworthy of them. None of us are worthy of Gods love, but He gives it freely to anyone wanting it. We are all sinners.
I'm a hot mess most of the time.
I don't know how to do life my way.
I'm flawed and broken, but somehow they have both loved me unconditionally.
They have showed me that I am worthy of love, redemption, grace and forgiveness.
Everyday is a day of freedom from the chains that destroyed a part of myself and I still have the emotional, deep scars to prove it.
Addiction isn't the homeless person on the streets, the drunk parent or family member. It doesn't discriminate race, age or gender. It can consume anyone.
Even the strongest, prettiest and most popular.
Now, God uses us to help the broken. He teaches us that trust, vulnerability and transparency is healing and absolutely necessary for the foundation of recovery.
My message to the broken reading this or if you hear my testimony....
There is nothing you can do that can make God not love you and want you.
How you see yourself and feel about yourself is NOT how God sees you.
He created you for a purpose and a mission.
He wants you to trust Him and trust that He knows better than you do.
He actually thinks about you and cries for you!
He can handle YOU and all your baggage.
He can redeem you from everything you've done and help you become transformed!
ONLY IF YOU LET HIM!
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer.29:11)
(watch this video clip to really wrap your head around how very important you are in His plan!) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NnnSS0_-xoA)
