Love Dare: Day 28 Love makes Sacrifices

Today's Dare

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

   Over the past couple weeks, I have had many needs that haven't been met. The frustration has made me lose focus on Gods work in me and made me have more self-pity and irritability toward my spouse all the while, losing confidence and it takes days for me to get focused on the dare I'm on or the lesson the Lord is trying to teach me. I have verbally told him of the emotionally needs and get upset when they aren't met. So I turn inward and I get selfish.
I don't want to give him what he wants either because my needs aren't being met as well, and the horrible ego and pride-filled cycle happens once more! "I'm not going to give you what you want, because I'm not getting what I want!"....Sound familiar!? 

   It takes one person to put down the pride sword, say your sorry, try to mend the wounds you caused each other during that fight and SACRIFICE! Sacrifice your pride, ego and your own personal desires for the other and make it right! Why is this soooo hard to do? I think it's because we are all obsessed with me, me, me all the time that we forget about WE, WE, WE! 
It's hard for us to help our spouse when we are so focused on our own pain that we forget they need our constant encouragement as well. As I'm writing this and saying this to you, it is also a reminder for myself. I am FAR from a perfect spouse! Most the time, I would never want to be married to myself, so I need to give my husband room to falter and make mistakes. He's far from the perfect spouse either, so I can't expect him to meet my every need. We need to let our spouses know that we care about them, that we hear them and they matter to us! 

Like this chapter says, the words "How can I help you?" need to stay fresh on our lips!
Maybe it's just listening to your spouse while they vent about their bad day (they don't always need you to fix it, just listen), maybe do something they want to do on an outing this time and you do what you want next time, or letting them pick the movie, or doing a chore for them that you know they really hate. Just anything to let them know that you care! Love sacrificially! That's a lesson I'm having to re-learn over and over and struggle terribly with some days.
I am so guilty of not doing this enough, and that's very convicting for me.
The lesson I'm learning this week is that the more we help them, the more we are helping ourselves.

"Love isn't about feeling good. It's about doing what you DON'T want to do, over and over again, if it needs to be done, for the sake of someone else. Love is really about self-sacrifice."  -Meg Meeker, MD

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/02/02/Love-Dare-Day-28.aspx

Love Dare: Day 27 Love Encourages

Today's Dare

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

 

   Progress is happening! Last night, my husband and I went on our first official date since the middle of last year! We went wine tasting, then I made him dinner at his house. We had great conversation, talked about God working in our lives, what's going on with our families, etc. Then we picked up our son from the sitter and spent the night together as a family. To wake up next to your husband is a great feeling! To hold him and feel the closeness again is something NEVER want to take for granted! We are slowly coming back together and letting God heal our hearts. It's not an easy process and we still have bad days where we don't get along perfectly, but we are sooo much further along than we were even a month ago!

   With todays dare, I have to be completely honest...Most of my fights with my husband start because I had expectations that weren't met. I thought I deserved something to be done the way I wanted it and when it didn't happen that way, I get VERY upset! He can contest to this as well. Haha! I know that its because I'm a perfectionist and play out certain scenarios in my head as to how I want them to be and then get incredibly disappointed when the scenario that I created in my mind is a huge let down from reality. I'm a daydreamer. I daydream ALL day long about different things and create things in my mind as to how I want them to play out and when I wake from the dream and its completely opposite in real life, I let it ruin my whole day and we end up getting into an argument about something so stupid that wasn't even a big deal to begin with. He didn't meet my expectations of something and now I'm frustrated and  mad. I will admit- I have been guilty of throwing a fit or two and then I feel like a complete idiot afterwards and have a lot of making up to do because I decided to have ugly behavior toward someone that I vowed to love and respect and is imperfect and will NEVER meet my needs 100%.

  The first paragraph in this chapter says, " Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment. The higher your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration."

This couldn't be said any better!! This is not to say that we can't have any expectations at all, because we all have preferences and our own way of doing things and expect our spouse to meet our many needs. We used to bend over backwards for our mate when we first dated, tending to their every need and going out of our way to make them feel loved. Over time, this fades. We get into routine. We get busy. We let life get in the way of loving our spouse the way they need us to and we stop encouraging them. Instead, we start constantly discouraging them and telling them only the things they aren't doing right and aren't making us happy. That's what happened with my marriage. It was constant discouragement and lack of attention to each others needs that broke us down.

   We need to lift each other up, even through the frustration of unmet expectations. The more they feel loved, the more they will want to go out of their way to lift you up as well and meet your needs.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Encourage one another and build up one another.."

We all need to feel loved and desired. If your spouse has verbally told you that you make them feel insecure and beat down, you need to take it seriously! We need to be our spouses #1 cheerleader!! Even when we feel like they don't deserve it. Lift them up & encourage them. This is sometimes sooo much easier said than done and some days this will be the hardest thing to accomplish. I promise you, if you continually pour God's love into your spouse, they will return it back to you. It may not be right away, but it will happen eventually. Learn to love unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. That is how Jesus loves us...unconditionally.

 

 

 

http://www.klove.com/BLOG/post/2010/02/01/Love-Dare-Day-27.aspx

Love Dare: Day 26 Love is Responsible

Today's Dare

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing.  Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.  Do it sincerely and truthfully.  Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well.  No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love.  Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

   For the past week I haven't moved past Dare 26. I have had a lot of family issues that came up suddenly & everything else has been put on hold. This past week has been emotionally & spiritually draining and over-whelming for me. I haven't been focused on my dares and I haven't been focused on Gods work in me. I've had very little sleep and it's been hard to keep my mind focused on anything. I have felt a lot of guilt for this, but know that I had to take care of some other responsibilities and things I have been asked to take care of.
   This is a hard chapter for me...well, the 1st sentence of this chapter says, "Today will be hard."...That's an understatement. We all have a hard time with personal responsibility. It's hard to admit when we've made mistakes, no one wants to be wrong. That's why there are so many prideful people (like myself). Everyone points out the faults of others to justify their actions. We all have been guilty of this. That our wrong-doings are ok, because someone else has done worse in our eyes. We put blame on others and excuse ourselves. This is a very difficult thing not to do.
We need to stop passing blame and judgement and start taking responsibility for our own actions and wrong doings. If we hurt our spouse (or anyone else) in ANY way, we need to apologize and try to make it right. Even if you think you did nothing wrong. Your spouses hurt is a valid emotion they are having to something you did.
It's not about being wrong or right, it's about taking responsibility for hurting another person, either intentionally or unintentionally. We have to take our hurts to the Lord. We are all sinners and we have all hurt other people, some more than others. In 1 John:8-9 it says, "If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. However, if we confess our sins, God is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all righteousness."
 
   In this chapter it asks us if we have wronged or wounded our spouse in any way and never made it right. Part of taking responsibility is admitting when you've failed & asking for forgiveness. God wants there to be no unresolved issues between the two of you. They say, to do this sincerely you MUST swallow your pride and seek forgiveness. Ask God to convict you, where you need convicting, then get right with your spouse. You don't want small problems to keep rearing their ugly heads because you never properly worked out that issue & now it's a HUGE issue that has created lots of resentment. When that happens, it's a lot harder to work through the issue that was initially  just a "small thing" or sometimes it's big things that we never properly work through and heal from and a result is a whole lot of damage that's done because of built up anger, resentment and insecurity  about it. Both of these small and big issues have been things we haven't properly worked through in our marriage and now almost 4 years later, divorce was a heavy reality for us.
   Soooo, the bottom line of this chapter and dare is to make right what you did wrong! We have ALL hurt our spouses in some way and we need to take their hurt seriously! We are called by God to do that. To stop justifying our wrong doings by pointing out others faults and putting the blame elsewhere. None of us are perfect and we will never be and we can't expect our spouse to be either. But, if we know they are hurting, we need to be there for them and help them heal...through love.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/31/Love-Dare-Day-26.aspx

When the world wants us to change....

    Since I've started this blog and more in particular "The Love Dare", I have had a surprising amount of people contact me personally to tell me how much they love reading the blog, that it's really inspirational and gives them encouragement and strength for their personal struggles. That in itself encourages me to keep going and not give up, even on the days I feel no motivation and it's just a bad day, so I love getting confirmation that it is reaching the right people at a time when they need it! I know that God is using me for a bigger purpose than just my marriage and as a Christian. It's to be a light in a dark world.
   The other day, I had a conversation with one of my best friends and she is very spiritually open minded, very hippy-ish lifestyle. I love her for who she is! I used to believe everything she does before I gave myself to Christ. We respect each other's beliefs, even though we may not agree on them. I think it's healthy to have friends of different belief systems, it challenges you and makes you stand firm in your foundation of your core beliefs. It makes for great debate conversations too! Haha!

   She had called to see how I was doing and said she read a little bit of my blog, but she couldnt read a lot because it was very "Christian-y" and she had a hard time relating to all the scripture I had posted in it. I told her, I understand and it can be a bit overwhelming, but try to understand the underlying lesson in it all. She agreed and suggested that I maybe make a few changes. To get more people to my blog and more viewers, maybe not put so much scripture in it and a little less "Jesus talk" and  more universal words for everyone, like just God as a general statement. She was making a general suggestion to make it more relatable for others that weren't just Christian. I could have gotten really mad & defensive about this, but I told her I understood what she was saying...I then shared with her that I wasn't writing the blog (love dare) to please people or make them comfortable. I'm writing because I feel that is what God is calling me to do. To share honestly and be transparent in the real life problems we all have and writing it as a Christian. I can only write it in that perspective, because that's what I am. I am yearning to be more Christ-like and this is my journey. She understood and said that she would try to not be be so close minded and try to read it again. That's why I LOVE that friendship! We can be brutally honest with one another, not take offense and can challenge one another.
   I thought about that conversation for the whole next day and how much I appreciated that she said that to me. I have had so many people praise me, and she was the first one to challenge me. We need that. It allowed me to stand firm and explain. It allowed me to reflect on how many times the world has and will try to get me to change to its standards, not of God's. We are constantly being tempted to change or go against God's will for our lives. He asks us to be bold in our faith, everyday glorifying Him in everything we do and being obedient to His will in our lives. When we had this conversation, I immediately thought of  Matthew 10: 32-33 Jesus says, "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven." I don't know about you, but this verse scares me to death! To know that I would be disowned by my Lord in Heaven because I didn't acknowledge Him in my life to others...that's a scary thought and reality.

So, I leave you with this....
Be bold, don't deny your faith to comfort others just because they don't have your same view. Don't change to worldy expectations and views and love one another despite your differences. That's what God calls us to do.

Love Dare:Day 25 Love Forgives

Today's Dare

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."


   I've been on this dare for a couple days now. Really thinking about what it means to forgive. I feel like everyday I'm forgiving for things over and over again. Why is this such a hard thing to do? We feel hurt, betrayed, angry and bitter by others. Those are really hard emotions to let go of. 
In Matthew 18:21-22, it tells us a story of Peter. He asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive others who sin against him and Jesus said, "not 7 times, but 77 times." 
This tells me a few things...Peter had just as much of a hard time forgiving others that hurt him as I do and Jesus commands us to forgive over and over again, and often times for the same thing. We can't seem to let things go because we still hang on to the hurt that others inflict on us. When we don't forgive and move on, it builds up and eats us up inside. The result is bitterness, anger and resentment. All of which cause huge problems in marriage...it did in mine. Things I thought I forgave him for, would come up later and cause arguments and I was constantly resentful and angry. Half the time, he didn't even realize it was even an issue. Like the saying goes...it's like taking poison and expecting the other to die. We allow the unforgiveness to take over our emotions and trickle into other areas of our life. It affects everything. How we are with our kids, to our spouse and our friendships. It makes us into people we aren't proud to be and certainly isn't being Christ-like. 

   In this chapter, it made a really impactful point, "When you forgive another person, you're not turning them loose. You're just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them in His way. It's not about winning or losing anymore. It's about freedom. It's about letting go. But great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep "no record of wrongs". (1corinthians 13:5)"

  Forgiving others isn't easy, but neither is forgiving ourselves. That can be an even harder challenge. We hold on to our own sins of the past and carry them into our future. Our mistakes/sins change us. They bring us down roads we couldn't imagine going down because we can't seem to release it and let it go. We are held captive by the guilt and shame of sins of our past. 
We become addicts. Finding comfort and forgetting about our past by masking it and putting a temporary band-aid on it. Drinking, doing drugs, eating disorders, addictions of any kind. They become the vices we turn to to "deal" with the unforgiveness we don't give ourselves. 

In 1 Timothy 1:15-16, it's says, "Christ Jesus came into this world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life."
  There is nothing we can do to lose God's love for us. Jesus came to save sinners like you and me. Let God heal your heart and forgive others and yourself. We are all imperfect and will never live up to God's standards & noone will live up to ours. We will constantly be let down by others and our expectations will not always be met. Once we remind ourselves of that on a daily basis, things won't negatively impact us so much and we will be able to let go and let God.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/30/Love-Dare-Day-25.aspx

Love Dare: Day 24 Love vs. Lust

Today's Dare

End it now.  Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.  Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it.  Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom.  It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.


   We live in a world where everything is handed to us easily. We have learned to have this sense of entitlement and think we deserve to have bigger and better all the time. We also have grown accustomed to instant gratification. All of these things are a deadly combination for lust. 
When we think of lust, the first thing that pops into our heads is lusting after another person, to desire someone, but it goes waaaay beyond that. We lust after desires of wanting more. Seeking worldly desires instead of Gods desires for us. There is nothing wrong with wanting things, but when they take your focus off of Gods work and desire in your life, then it's a problem.

   We can have lust for many things. Other people, a bigger house, a more expensive car, the newest phone, a bigger TV, expensive jewelry, the newest gadgets or even spoiling our kids with the best new toys all the time.
   My biggest weakness in lusting has been my longtime passion for fashion! I worked in LA as a model for 8 years and loved the attention it brought with it. I was also a manager and assistant buyer of a women's boutique there as well and soon had a huge collection of super trendy, beautiful clothing! That addiction carried out for along time and as a woman that loves fashion, it's a hard one to break. I lusted after what other women had and I wanted it, so I got it! I had no one at the time keeping me accountable for putting my desires ahead of my responsibilities and I got myself into trouble financially because of it. I was irresponsible and to this day it's something I still fight, but I much better now than I was. I only started being convicted about this when my husband and I got married. I still had my bad shopping habits and it didn't help that I started working at another women's clothing store. After I quit that job, I really realized how much stuff I had that I didn't "need". It was all desires! The other girls had it, so I wanted it too, I rationalized my actions by thinking I earned it and deserved it, that was the mindset that made my husband and I argue about that topic over and over again everytime I brought a shopping bag home. It's taken a couple years for me to fully grasp what I was doing was wrong. I have even been guilty of lusting after other women's wedding rings, thinking mine wasn't big enough compared to other girls. That I deserved an upgrade sometime. Thinking that my husbands love for me has to be shown through how big my ring is (which a lot of people think the same way obviously, because of celebrities flashing their million dollar huge rocks on their little tiny fingers!). This is such a ridiculous, worldly view that it makes me sick to think that way...but only through me having to be completely stripped of everything have i gotten better and having to refrain from buying everything I want. If it's an item I need that comes up, then I don't feel to bad about it. But I know so many other women with this same lust and addiction.
Society makes us think we deserve these things, WE DON'T!

  There are other lusts that are more detrimental to marriages, like lusting after the opposite sex. Sometimes we don't realize we are doing harm to ourselves or our spouse. We live dangerously close to sin sometimes. "Flirting" with temptation, never intending to partake because we are strong willed and "not that kind of person". That is pride and ego. We are all weak and it only takes one mistake to spiral out of control. We slowly move closer and closer until the temptation takes over. When our faith is weak is when we give into sin.
  We cannot flirt with sin! We cannot be near it and need to stay as far away from it as possible. But we can't do it on our strength, we need Gods strength to fight the battles of sin that the world throws at us everyday.
The chapter said something that hit hard for me. It said, "Its time to expose lust for what it really is- a misguided thirst of satisfaction that only God can fulfill."

 We all deal with lust in some form in our lives. My hope is that as you read this, you are convicted as much as I am. Look up to The Lord to fulfill your needs and help you through it. He will ALWAYS give us what we need...


Bible verses on lust:

-"We have brought nothing into this world, so we cannot take anything out of it
either." (1 Timothy 6:7)
-"But these who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." (1Timothy 6:9)
-"Joseph was well built and handsome, and after a while his masters wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!" (Genesis 39:6-7)
-" This is what The Lord says to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the ways of these people" (Isaiah 8:11)
-"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1Corinthians 10:13)



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/29/Love-Dare-Day-24.aspx

Love Dare: Day 23 Love always Protects

Today's Dare

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

    My day today started off really early in the morning and was going really well, but took a turn for the worst about midday. I went to my husbands to visit and we ended up fighting over something that I wouldn't let go off and I over reacted about. We both ended up yelling out of frustration because we weren't understanding each other's sides. I knew that I couldn't leave there with us being mad at each other (especially after having such a great day with him yesterday), so I stayed for awhile. It was awkward silence. After a long while... I felt guilt and pride and knew I had to apologize and he should to. I did my part and said I was sorry I overreacted out of an old issue that I just needed to let go of and stop feeling like I needed to have control over. He said he was sorry too and we were able to hug it out and he gave me a kiss and I cried a few tears and told him that this was something I'm trying to work on with myself, control....ugh! I hate it! I went home feeling a little better but still in a "funk". I read my bible for awhile and focused on my dare for the day. This was a heavy one...I text him and shared with him that it was something I felt both of us should do to move forward.
    It explains that this also extends to any people in your life that could be harmful or poisonous to your marriage. This was one dare that turned my stomach because of my trust issues. I let him know about it and what was meant innocently, turned into a 2 hour texting fight. There was a lot of pride and ego in that conversation and a lot of hurt from the past brought up. And it didn't end well....
I know I probably could've brought it up at a better time, but I had no idea the conversation was going to go in the direction it did. I felt more hurt and frustration and just wanted the day to be over. We ALL have things in our lives that take away time from our spouse. Whether it's Facebook, Internet, TV, sports, entertainment, our cell phones or even friendships. Seeds of doubt that others put in our minds is poison for our marriage. We may not even realize the damage until it's too late. I am incredibly guilty of putting other things before my husband. Putting my time and energy into things that aren't important, rather than investing that time into my marriage and meeting my husbands needs. This is a great struggle for many people. 

   The lesson I learned today is this: If we hurt each other in ANY way, we need to make sure we SINCERELY apologize and make sure we try our best to heal our spouses wound. Even if we think we didn't do anything wrong. Our spouses hurt is a valid emotion of theirs that we need to take seriously. I feel a lot of resentment from past hurts and so does he. We need to learn to nurture our spouse back to health and become strong again as individuals and as a married couple. 
                                                            Protect and love your spouse!



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/28/Love-Dare-Day-23.aspx

Love Dare:Day 22 Love is Faithful

Today's Dare

Love is a choice, not a feeling.  It is an initiated action, not a knee-jerk reaction.  Choose today to be committed to love even if your spouse has lost most of their interest in recieving it.  Say to them today in words similar to there, "I love you.  Period.  I choose to love you even if you don't love me in return."

  Today was one of the most amazing days I have had in sooo long! It was filled with God's love in everything I experienced and had the pleasure to be a part of. It all started in the early morning. I woke up and was so excited because I had my women's growth group breakfast at 9am at church. An older woman in my group had been on my heart for a couple weeks. Her husband was out of work and she had a lot of medical problems. She had voiced one time in our group that they were hurting tremendously financially, so I felt the need to help. I ended up going grocery shopping at 8am for her and her husband and got them some things I thought they might like and left them for her anonymously. 
When my husband and I first separated, I had help my from my Christian sisters in every way and I felt it was time I pay it forward. God calls us to take care of one another in times of need. Even when we only have a little to give. We all need to know that our fears and worries are being heard and that others care. In the note I left her, I shared one of the bible stories of Moses. He needed help and encouragement from friends to do Gods work. It's such a beautiful story of friendship and sacrifice.  (Exodus 17: 10-13) 

    I had a little time before group started, so I went into the sanctuary and prayed. I knelt down on my knees in from of the withered, beat up cross and prayed...hard. I shed a few tears because I felt Gods presence with me and could see the work he was doing through me and for me. It's incredibly overwhelming at times. I thanked Him for the trials I'm in and prayed to continue to keep my heart open to His will for my life. I then went into group and their was about 25 women in there and we all had the chance to openly share how the series on love we had been learning about, had impacted our  lives so far. I raised my hand and without even thinking about what I was saying (and I honestly don't remember everything I said, it was all the Holy Spirit speaking through me!) I shared a cliff notes version of my journey and about my marriage. I talked about complete surrender to the Lords will for our lives and learning how to love sacrificially without expecting anything in return and how God is changing my heart and my husbands heart. I said how grateful I was that I had all of them around me during the most difficult time of my life to encourage me and keep me accountable. I felt so blessed to be able to share my testimony and to remind them to not give up. 
A few women came up to me after and just thanked me for being so brave to share and told me that my story was very inspiring! As you can imagine, my heart was so full by the time I left! 
I didn't share my story to get praise, I shared my story (as I do on here) to be transparent as an imperfect person and an example of Gods work in our lives when we are at our best and worst and hopefully my story can move even one person closer to God. That hope makes it all worth it.
   
   To my surprise, my day was about about to get even better! I headed to my husbands house after and hung out for awhile and asked him if he wanted to go to Starbucks with me just to chat, he said yes. We both brought our Bibles, grabbed our coffees, sat across from each other at a high bar table and just talked non-stop for almost 2 hours! We talked about a lot of different things...us, things that we have both been going through, things that God has been teaching us and just talking and LISTENING to one another. We laughed and gave each other crap about things and just enjoyed being with one another. Right when we were leaving he told me how nice that was and I told him, "yeah, this WAS really nice!".  It was so needed for both of us! I ended up going back to his house and having dinner with my 2 boys and some friends that are currently visiting him for the week. It was such a great night and I went home so full of love and completely exhausted and overwhelmed emotionally from everything that happened that day.

  Today's dare is about learning how to love faithfully. We never dreamed when we were at the altar that our spouse could become the person we hate the most at times. Real life happens and the fairy tale becomes an unmet expectation and a broken dream. We become bitter and hateful and full of pride. We fight, we betray one another and hurt each other intentionally because we are hurting.
(Hurt people hurt people)
Loving our spouse is a CHOICE we have to make everyday. To love our spouses unconditionally, even when they don't want to receive our love and especially when we don't feel like giving it.
You have to give undeserved love to your spouse because God gave undeserved love to you. This has been an especially hard lesson for me.
It's only through surrendering to Gods will (letting go of control) and allowing Him to heal our hearts, are we then able to forgive and learn to really love.




http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/27/Love-Dare-Day-22.aspx

Love Dare: Day 21 Love is satisfied in God

Today's Dare

Be intentional today about making a time to pray and read your Bible.  Try reading a chapter out of Proverbs each day (there are thiry-one - a full month's supply), or readin a chapter in the Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John).  As you do, immerse yourself in the love and promises God has for you.  This will add to your growth as you walk with Him.


  I woke up this morning in a little sour mood from the disagreement we had the night before and I left his house crying. First thing I did was open up chapter 21 and low and behold, first thing it tells me to do is to read my Bible. So that's what I did...for 3 hours. 
I prayed, read, prayed and read. I just had time to be with my Lord. I had a friend coming over for lunch and so I had some time to visit with her and catch up, which was a really great visit and after that I was off to work for the rest of my day. 
  What I noticed that was different about this time, was that if we would've gotten into that same small, stupid fight 3 weeks ago, I would've let it ruin my whole next day and would've been very resentful toward him for not hearing me out and not understanding me. Instead, I asked God what I could learn from it. He told me to let it go and focus on God and myself. So that's what I did all morning. It set up my whole day to be filled with joy, in good spirits toward my friend and had a great night at work! I will take that over being in a bad mood any day! 
   When we stop taking our focus off the Lord and the work He is doing in us, then we take steps back (which is only natural because we are imperfect humans and we will stumble). We have to remember to not dwell on our mistakes, we need to keep moving forward, even if we are dragging ourselves along. This was another reminder of how much I need God everyday and in every situation. 
  I have been in constant prayer through out everyday. I prayed a lot today for my husband to continue to open up to me and let down his walls. I yearn to talk to him, about anything. Just conversation. 

   In this chapter I was reading:
(Philippians 4:67) "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus."

  This is such a great reminder to give God your worries and trust Him completely and allow Him to give you peace. I know my husband will open up to me when the time is right for him, I just need to be patient and trust The Lord that He has things in the works that I can't see or even fathom. Today I thanked The Lord for bringing me through my darkest hour (the day my husband got divorce papers) and making me die to myself and be reborn in His love. God's work is so heavy and so amazing!

"In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled...I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:12-13)


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/26/Love-Dare-Day-21.aspx

Love Dare: Day 20 Love is Jesus Christ

Today's Dare

Dare to take God at His Word.  Dare to trust Jesus Christ for salvation.  Dare to pray, "Lord Jesus, I'm a sinner.  But You have shown Your love for me by dying to forgive my sins, and You have proven Your power to save me from death by Your resurrection.  Lord, change my heart, and save me by Your grace."

  Today's dare is an impactful & personal one. The first part of this journey was about me learning how to be humble in serving my husband, even when I didn't want to and when he didn't deserve it. That's the ONLY way we learn how to love sacrificially. Through God's strength and love, not on our own. We as humans will never be able to grasp the concept of Gods love for us. We can only accept it and strive to be like Christ. That is a TRUE Christian....to be Christ-like. I have failed so many times at this. I also know that until recently I never truly understood what it meant. I can never earn God's love, by His grace I already have it. (Ephesians 2:8-9)
   This day didn't end how I wanted it. We got into an argument over something really stupid when I went over to his house and I ended up leaving in tears because we were both frustrated and not understanding one another's sides. We still have alot of work to do in the communication area but that will come with time. I knew that this situation was just one of many we will come across that we can learn from. Learning how to work through it differently- with patience and empathy for the other. I've learned that I can't meet my spouses every need the way he expects me to, but I can CHOOSE to be a tool to show him God's never ending love for him and our marriage. 
  Jesus is waiting for us to love Him, to turn to Him and surrender everything to His will. We constantly fail and waste time doing things our way because we our selfish, prideful and full of ego. We think we know what's best for us and that we are strong enough on our own. Well guess what,                   
                                                   YOU AREN'T! 
 Your whole life can be made right by putting it into the hands of the One who created you in the first place. When you make the choice to let God have full rein of your life, you can love in ways you've never been capable of before. 
I pray that as you are reading my story, you keep your heart open to His work in your life and learn to let go and let God!


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/25/Love-Dare-Day-20.aspx

Christ Centered Relationships- How to be a Christ-like Wife.

  I absolutely LOVE listening to Pastor Francis Chan! He is a pastor at Cornerstone Church in Similar Valley, Ca. and a famous Christian author. His books are full of humor, honesty, easy to read and relatable. My kind of books! Haha! I often watch his sermons and book studies on YouTube.
I recently came across this 3 part sermon about having Christ centered relationships. The part 2 video is specifically hitting on the hard role of a wife in a Christian marriage and what we as wives are called to do. It's hard to accept and do because it goes against the very fiber of our "I am woman, hear me roar!" society.  But, his wife Lisa explains the biblical role very well and I wanted to post it here for you all to watch. Enjoy!

Christ Centered Relationships part 2
(Start at 14:10)
http://youtu.be/gankzqrIipQ

Also, here is part 1 & 3 to watch the whole series.

Part 1
http://youtu.be/ihRmM0aVADU

How to be a Godly Husband:
Part 3
http://youtu.be/Y3YNawuuizM

Other videos by Francis Chan worth watching!
The awe factor of God:
http://youtu.be/3Ya12I036lg

Stop and Think!
http://youtu.be/NnnSS0_-xoA

Love Dare:Day 19 Love is Impossible

Today's Dare

Look back over the dares from previous days.  Were there some that seemed impossible to you?  Have you realized your need for God to change your heart and to give you the ability to love?  Ask Him to how you where you stand with Him, and ask for the strength and grace to settle your eternal destination.

   After reading through this chapter a few times I've realized how many times over the last few weeks that God was working directly through me. Especially on the days that seemed impossible to get through. Days where I felt so much hate and resentment toward him for hurting me. Days where every bad thing he has said and done to me were being repeated in my mind over and over. Times when I almost convinced myself that this whole thing wasn't worth it because I wasn't good enough to fight for and completely convinced he had lost all love for me....those were the days that God molded me and kept pushing me forward through my stumbling, weak and tired body. I could barely get through those days, full of anxiety, panic attacks, tears and a completely broken heart.... It was only through those days that I realized how much I had to fully rely on God's love and strength. Its not on my own strength that I'm able to continue this journey. It's not my own love that I'm able to forgive my husband and myself for the hurts we have caused each other and to continue to love him how Christ loves me.
 It's all God! We simply cannot do it without Him. 
   In this chapter, I love how it reminds us, "If you're not right with God, you can't truly love your spouse because God is the source of that love. God is love. We have all fallen short of Gods commands (Romans 3:23). We have all demonstrated selfishness, hatred and pride. We are all sinners."
  Today I pray that my heart will continue to stay open to Gods will for me and I can have a more intimate relationship with Him. That I can stay focused on where He wants me to be and that I can be a light of His love in a dark world.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/24/Love-Dare-Day-19.aspx

Love Dare: Day 18 Love Seeks to Understand

Today's Dare

Prepare a special dinner at home, just for the two of you.  The dinner can be as nice as you prefer.  Focus this time on getting to know your spouse better, perhaps in areas you've rarely talked about.  Determine to make it an enjoyable evening for you and your mate.

  When we start to date someone, we want to find out all we can about them. Their likes, dislikes, dreams, goals, habits, etc. But after we win their heart we often times get stagnant and stop pursuing to get to know one another anymore. We lose interest and let the business of life get in the way of us "courting" our spouses.

I have had so many couples tell me the same tip of advice on marriage.

                            NEVER STOP DATING!

This seems pretty easy, but the excuses that stop this from happening start piling up:

Finding a sitter, do we have money to go out, we are tired from a long days work, we had an argument and now we don't want to be around each other, etc.

If I could change anything about my marriage in the past, it would be to go on more dates with my husband. To yearn to want to get to know him more. How he's changing or anything new that he's learning. Because we are constantly evolving and changing and so do our interests.

I'm not able to bring my husband out on a date on this specific night, so I planned something for the following week and let him know in advance that I'd like to take him out to dinner. At first, he said he didn't know and to ask him closer to the date, but he seems to have changed his mind just recently and told me he would. That made me so excited! Now I want to go above and beyond and make it really special! Honestly, the last time we had a night alone was in May 2013. We stayed at a really beautiful Inn by the ocean in Half Moon Bay, Ca. for our wedding anniversary. We were gone exactly 24hrs. and during that time I can't even remember how many times I was texting our friend that was watching our son to "check in" on everything. Because he is diabetic, we rarely leave him with anyone. We are slowly learning to trust a few very close friends and teach them how to give insulin shots, count carbs, etc. That night was amazing and I would love to have many more like it, but we have to make it a priority and not an option, it has to be a MUST!

 In the last few days, I can see a huge difference in my husband. He has told me that he is allowing God to allow him to open up more and he has been more affectionate! Little things like sitting by me on the couch (instead of 3ft. away), putting his hand on my leg, hugging me more and actually initiating kissing me (which is a miracle in itself! Thank you Jesus! haha!) For some couples, you would think this isn't a big deal, but they are HUGE steps! I know its not easy for either one of us to be vulnerable, it hasn't been for me, even when he was rejecting my love everyday. I know the strength isn't coming from him, its all the Lord's work. This didn't happen easily, and its going to take a lot of time to get us back to where we need to be. It has all been God working through us!! Being obedient and surrendering to His will. It has gotten us so much further than doing it our own way. I have so much trust in the Lord, and want to strive to keep moving forward to be more intimate with my Savior, allowing the Holy Spirit to work through me everyday and in every situation.

                                                             NEVER GIVE UP!

http://www.klove.com/BLOG/post/2010/01/23/Love-Dare-Day-18.aspx

Love Dare: Day 17 Love Promotes Intimacy

Today's Dare

Determine to guard your mate's secretes (unless they are dangerous to them or you) and to pray for them.  Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demonstrate love in spite of these issues.  Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you.  Make them feel safe.

   It's funny that today was the intimacy chapter because a HUGE step forward was accomplished today. I went to his house for the 2nd day in a row to clean and just help out with whatever house things I could while he wasn't feeling well. I was there for a few hours and he went out to lunch with a close friend of ours. When he returned, he looked different. He looked lighter!

Then, out of nowhere while I was cleaning up in the kitchen, he came up to me and gave me a hug, a kiss then kissed my forehead and told me that he was really sorry for being so withdrawn from me.

I was in complete shock that he: 1. Initiated a hug and kissed me! 2. Actually apologized for being closed up and withdrawn. I just hugged him back tightly and told him it was ok and I forgive him. There was a million things running through my head and a million questions I wanted to ask, but I refrained from saying anything else. After he walked away, I was standing by the sink with the cleaning towel in my hand and I just prayed silently to God. I thanked Him so much for letting his heart start to heal and let some of his walls down. I was so excited inside that I could barely restrain the happiness that was filling my heart. I saw the light in my husbands eyes and it was beautiful!

   Todays dare is to guard your mates secrets and to pray for them. Listen to them and make them feel safe. We didn't talk a whole lot, but actions speak louder than words. I know he is finally allowing God to start healing his heart and letting his guard down. It wasn't on my time, it is on God's time.

   After having a really bad week just recently and feeling like I failed, this was the confirmation that I needed that God is doing His work, even when we can't see it. I see things unfolding before my eyes that God had planned so He could mold me and make me only rely on His strength and not my own. I had so many doubts, was so discouraged and thought it was hopeless at times. That I could never show my husband enough love for him to CHOOSE to love me back. I have been reminding him since we separated that I don't want a divorce and that I'm not giving up on him or our marriage. God is on our side and as long as I'm doing the Lords will, I can't go wrong and I will win.

  Reading deeper into this chapter, it's more than just physical intimacy that they're talking about it. It's the relationship between a husband and wife as a whole. They say, "Marriage is the most intimate of all relationships." To find someone that will love you despite your imperfections, weaknesses and baggage. To be honest, I felt like I came into our marriage carrying suitcases of "baggage". He had a lot of his own as well. We both had to learn quickly to deal with each other's loads....it wasn't easy at all and some of it is why we are where we are today. Separated. We didn't communicate well, didn't pour into each other and be our spouses #1 cheerleader when the going got tough. We ended up being on different teams and fighting against one another. It didn't happen overnight, it happened over years. The intimacy, trust and connection was gone and we were bloodied and bruised from all the hurt we caused each other from the long battle. The person we were the most "naked" and vulnerable with caused us the most immeasurable pain we had ever experienced from another human being and we didn't know if we could ever heal because the pain was so deep.
   Now is the time to work on the healing. It's painful, but necessary. It's going to take a lot of time and there will be mistakes again, because we are imperfect humans, but I so strongly believe that God will make us each stronger people and more humble servants to each other and to our Lord.

  Here is a song that has been really inspiring, Reminding me of our purpose.

Sanctus Real -Whatever You're Doing
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9J8eqKovY

http://www.klove.com/BLOG/post/2010/01/22/Love-Dare-Day-17.aspx

Love Dare:Day 16 Love Intercedes

Today's Dare

Begin praying today for your spouse's heart.  Pray for three specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spouse's life and in your marriage.

 My husband hasnt been feeling well lately, so I decided I would go to his house today with my son and help him with some house chores. I ended up cleaning the kitchen, doing the dishes & taking out the garbage before I had to leave for work. I find myself really enjoying doing things for him, even if he tells me there is nothing he needs help with (which is usually the case).  He is still pretty distant toward me, but I try not to let it bother me too much. I remind myself it's baby steps. I know he isn't himself right now and he has been in a dark place for along time and the only way to help him out of that is to remind him how much I love him and that God loves him. To not give up on him, because God never gives up on us.

   I love how the first paragraph in this chapter talk about how we want so badly for our spouses to change, here it is...
"You cannot change your spouse. As much as you may want to, you cannot play God and reach into their heart and mold them into what you want them to be. But that's what most couples spend a large part of their time trying to do- change their spouse."
 We have both been very guilty of this and nothing but frustration has been the result.

   Since I started this journey, I have never relied on prayer so much to get me through tough moments and days.  I mean REALLY desperately praying and listening for the still, small voice. Now, it's the first thing I do every morning before my feet hit the floor. I pray multiple times a day and think about God more than I ever have. I pray in the car, when I'm at work, and throughout the day thanking My creator for a certain circumstance that just happened. He needs to be constantly on our minds. We need to become Christ obsessed. That's the only way to stay centered and living out our entire day fully in His presence and doing His will, not our own. To be "on fire" for God and stay completely focused on the Holy Spirit working through each of us. It's so difficult. It takes complete surrender and goes against everything we want to do as sinful, selfish people. Like my husband has asked me many times before and it's a good reminder for us all..."am I being emotion lead or spirit lead?" Most of us react to situations being emotion lead. We get angry, we snap back, we get the last word, we send the next rude text back, we yell, we fight, we are sarcastic, we are lead by our emotions.
To be (holy) spirit lead allows us to hold back and think before reacting. To say something kind in response to a negative comment. To do kind acts even when we don't feel like it. To not let our ego and pridefulness take control.

  This chapters dare asks to pray for 3 specific areas where you desire for God to work in your spous life and your marriage. Here are my answers:
1. I pray that God can heal his heart and help him love me again to start being vulnerable and not withdrawn from me.
2. That we both can be more affectionate toward each other and welcome each other's love.
3. That we can forgive one another for past hurts and let go of resentments.



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/21/Love-Dare-Day-16.aspx

Love Dare: Day 15 Love is Honorable

Today's Dare

Choose a way to show honor and respect to your spouse that is above your normal routine.  It may be holding the door for her.  It might be putting his clothes away for him.  It may be the way you listen and speak in your communication.  Show your mate that he or she is highly esteemed in your eyes.

  Since starting the Love Dare, I have been following the dares on the website:
http://lovedarestories.com/pages/lovedarepages/TheDares.aspx
To my surprise, I see mostly couples that are broken up, marriages that are ending and one of the spouses (like myself) takes on this big journey of one last thing that will hopefully save their marriage....sound familiar? It's sad to read their journals everyday, because I see our marriage in every single hopeless, broken story. You can feel the desperation, deep pain and longing of the one trying so hard to hang on to the one last thread that's fraying quickly, the only thing holding them together is about to snap. Please read them if you get the opportunity. They are 1st hand accounts of marriage today. The honest reality is painful, but there are glimmers of hope. God's light shining through and healing hearts. People trusting and surrendering to love more than they ever have in their lives. 

  Today, I saw my husband for just a short time, but asked him a serious question. I told him I really respect his opinion and even though he thinks I'm not listening at times, I do. 
I asked him how he used to keep himself focused on Gods word and stayed "on fire" for The Lord and kept that passion and intimacy consistent everyday. I told him there are days I wake up feeling so "Christ centered" and others days, I feel so far away from God. 
He said, "I've had those days too and on the days when you feel far from God, it's because you are. You aren't keeping Him as your focus and you're doing things your way, not His. To stay focused and "on fire" for our Lord is very difficult and takes a lot of work. It's takes discipline. Our marriage will never be back together until you learn to completely sacrifice yourself to Gods will and trust Him."

   They were heavy words to leave with. A lot to digest and think about. My husband is really wise (and stubborn, haha!)  He has already gone through where I am now, this journey of complete surrender to trust in God's will for your life. He lost his way as well, but he knows what it takes to get there again. I have learned so much from him and continue too all the time. I look up to and respect him for so many reasons.
I miss my best friend, my partner. I'm glad that he will always be a part of me, to continually teach me. Even through the heartache. 



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/20/Love-Dare-Day-15.aspx

Love Dare:Day 14 Love takes Delight

Today's Dare

Purposefully neglect an activity you would normally do so you can spend quality time with your spouse.  Do something he or she would love to do or a project they'd really like to work on.  Just be together.

   For the last few days, our son has been sick with pneumonia and a double ear infection so I have literally been house bound in my sweats nursing him back to health with little to no sleep, so I haven't been able to read and write as much as I would like. Today, my husband stopped by my house to hang out for a bit, check on our son and we watched a movie and he left. Pretty simple, didn't talk much. Just being around each other...I keep reminding myself, it's baby steps. So my dare was accomplished!
I wanted so badly to cuddle with him on the couch how we used to, the way our bodies fit perfectly together and just be...Instead, we're sitting on separate couches and yearning for that closeness. (well, atleast I am)

   I don't know what goes through his mind when we're around each other because he's very withdrawn. My mind is always racing the minute he is in my vicinity and I have butterflies in my stomache. (I feel like I'm in high school and crushing on the varsity football player that doesn't know I exist, haha!) Wanting so badly to just hug and kiss him and hold him close...but instead, we give a casual hug goodbye, the same you would give an aquaintance you don't know well. It's gotten less awkward though. Haha!
I hate it. It kills me. I long for him so much and miss seeing his face first thing in the morning waking up next to me.
I remind myself everyday that this is a part of the process that God is having me go through. Stripping me of my wants, my comfort, my life. Not letting me get comfortable. To rely on My God fully. To look to Him to receive the love I need.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/19/Love-Dare-Day-14.aspx

Gluten Free Banana Nut Bread

   We just found out that our 3yr.old son has Celiac Disease (on top of Type 1 Diabetes) so we will be changing to a Gluten Free diet. His specialist described it to us like this... when you have this disease, one side effect of it is an allergy to gluten. Gluten is in wheat (breads and pastas) and when you eat it, it makes your small intestine irritated & swollen. This causes your body to not break down and absorb the vitamins and nutrients from your food to go into your body. So, no matter how healthy you eat, you aren't absorbing anything your body needs to grow and to build up your immune system. Hence, why he has been so sick! I'm glad we have this all figured out, but it's just more for us to take on with his health. I am so grateful that he has diseases that we can manage and he isn't in a hospital somewhere all the time.
   So, with that being said, I am learning all about the gluten free change in our eating fast! So I will be posting any good ones I have tried and taste good!

Below is a recipe a friend of mine gave me and I changed it a little, so it's a healthier version.
You can use the recipe as a base for ANY bread, just switch out the fruit and nuts and change to anything else you want to use. I love this recipe because whatever fruit I use, it always comes out super moist and yummy! Enjoy!

GLUTEN FREE BANANA NUT BREAD
-3 cups Gluten Free Flour
-1 tsp. Salt
-1 tsp. Baking Soda
-3 tsp. Cinnamon
-1/2 tsp Baking Powder
-2 cups Sugar (I used 1cup Truvia baking blend)
-3 eggs
-1 cup canola oil
-3 tsp Vanilla Extract
-2 cups Bananas mashed (or any fruit)
-1 cup chopped Nuts (I used Walnuts)

Preheat oven to 350.
Sift dry ingredients (except sugar) together in large bowl, set aside.
Beat eggs in another bowl, add oil and sugar, mix until creamed. Add bananas and vanilla.
Add wet ingredients to dry, then add in nuts last. Pour into greased loaf pan.
Bake 25-30 min or until light brown on top.

Makes 2 medium size loafs.

Love Dare:Day 13 Love Fights Fair

Today's Dare

Talk with your spouse about establishing healthy rules of engagement.  If your mate is not ready for this, then write out your own personal rules to "fight" by.  Resolve to abide by them when the next disagreement occurs.

 Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. After last weeks catastrophes, I knew those were tests of what I've learned so far. I felt like I failed and was disappointed in both of us. Being this chapter is about fighting fair, I knew there was huge lessons to learn how to move forward from this. God is always doing something in the conflict. 

Here is an excerpt from this chapter that I re-read a few times and meditated on:
"The deepest, most heartbreaking damage you'll ever do (or have ever done) to your marriage will most likely occur in the thick of conflict. That's because this is when your pride is strongest. Your anger is hottest. You're the most selfish and judgmental. Your words contain the most venom. You make the worst decisions." 

  A marriage can be great one day and take a nose dive the next and before you know it, it's out of control. This chapter helps you set up "boundaries" for when those times occur. I gave my husband a copy of this chapter and had written down that 2 of my personal boundaries would be to 1. extend grace to him (forgive, let things go & cut him some slack) and 2. be empathetic (try to see things from his point of you).  These are things I hope he grants to me as well, because we all deserve both.

     I brought my Bible to work yesterday so I could read during my lunch break and God sent me a VERY clear message about failure. I was actually really surprised about how many times he talks about failure and not giving up.

Here are some "go to" verses that really stood out to me and hopefully will help you during those times of constant stumbling. Remember that God never let's go....
-"For though the righteous fall seven times, they rise up again."  (Proverbs 24:16)
- "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my forever portion. (Psalm 73:26)
-"The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in Him; he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with His hand." (Psalm 37:23-24)

  I love how God reminds us that even the righteous will will stumble and fall down, but we were never meant to stay down. We teach this lesson to our children when they are young and fall on the playground...and have to keep reminding ourselves this lesson as adults.
In getting up, we are choosing to move past the struggle and hurt. We are never going to be perfect. We need to accept our weaknesses and become more dependent on God's strength, not our own.
  This past week He has reminded me that I am a work in progress. That I am a woman that is BECOMING all He wants me to be. I am growing and I am not perfect. I am not where I want to be, but I am further than I was....


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/18/Love-Dare-Day-13.aspx

Love Dare: Day 11 &12

  I'm a little behind on the blog, so I'm doing a few days together here. 
I'm not gonna lie, this past week was a tough one. I let life situations get the best of me and lost my focus and the strength I built. I have been really hard on myself because of this, but I knew this was coming. 
That's a part of the journey. God can't mold us on the easy days...


Day 11: Love Cherishes

What need does your spouse have that you could meet today?  Can you run an errand?  Give a back rub or foot massage?  Is there housework you could help with?  Choose a gesture that says, "I cherish you" and do it with a smile.

For today's dare I knew I had to work all day, so I planned ahead and did something for him a few days prior. On that day we got to spend some alone time together and it was really nice!


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/16/Love-Dare-Day-11.aspx

Day 12: Love Lets the Other Win

Demonstrate love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse.  Tell them you are putting their preference first.

  It's funny that this is the challenge today! Haha!  This day started off bad from the start. We had planned an outting with our kids and we had started bickering from the first text sent in the morning. I thought he was coming off rude from something I said and it just snow balled from there. Our kids had a great time and I'm glad we had that opportunity to bring them out together! That is one thing I am SO grateful for! Our family time is priceless to me now because I rarely get to spend time with both of them together and it's important they see us together still as a family, because we will always be one. (Even on the days we aren't getting along as good as we'd like.) Our kids are so amazing and deserve our best! 
I had a talk with my step-daughter on our way to church the following day and told her how much I loved Daddy and that I was working really hard to get our family back together because that is what God wants me to do and talked to her about obedience and even though we may not feel like doing nice things for someone because they hurt us, it's important to forgive and be kind.
 It's hard to explain hard life lessons to a 6 year old.  Haha! 
She seemed pretty happy about it all and asked questions about the Love Dare and asked, if at the end I had to hand it in to someone and get graded on it...I told her God grades it and sees how we change. 

  Over the previous few days, I felt like everything I had been working hard toward just went down the toilet. I started letting all my fears, insecurities, hurt and resentment toward him get the best of me. All the things that went wrong in our marriage and all the hurtful things he has said to me in the past (and negative things I have said to him out of my hurt as well) were being repeated in my mind for about 3 days and I became unfocused and lost my strength.  I started losing my patience with him and relying on my own strength to get through the day, instead of relying on God's. That was a huge mistake. 
  I kept thinking, "why am I doing this? If he really loved me unconditionally, he would never give up on our marriage. Am I not good enough to fight for? This is pointless..." 
It was all like a record of wrongdoings on repeat...over and over and over again. It's hard to heal when there are so many unresolved issues that we still need to work through. Hence, why I wanted so badly for us to meet for counseling last week, but he decided not to come. I knew there were things still blocking me from moving forward on my journey. 
  Soooo, with day 12 being a disaster, I decided to do that day over again. So yesterday was a lot better than the day before, but not perfect and it didn't end how I wanted it. But that's life, right? I prayed a lot last night and again when I woke up this morning. I prayed for God to renew my spirit, help me regain focus and help me work through all my unresolved hurts. 
 The lesson today just reminded me of how passionate we both are about our opinions and we definitely still have a lot of work to do in learning how to communicate and compromise better. Patience is a never ending lesson that we will have to keep re-learning our whole lives. 


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/17/Love-Dare-Day-12.aspx