What you are about to read is very personal, but I feel like I need to share it as it's reality and has happened to millions of other couples, but not everyone talks about the bad when their in the thick of it, in the trenches fighting for their life. Some reasons may be they are scared, embarrassed, and worried of judgement from others or feel like they failed. We are made to believe that marriage is a fairy tale and no one ever fights, disagrees and is just perfect in every way for one another. That is far from reality. Marriage is hard. Period. It's constant hard work! Constant sacrifice of putting another person above yourself. And when you don't work at it, the anxiety, panic attacks, sleepless nights, loss of appetite are all side effects of this... Broken marriages.
As some of you may know, I'm in a broken marriage. We are separated. We did not stay united in things, had a lack of love shown to one another in the way we wanted and we grew apart. This is not what I ever imagined for my life, family or my marriage. I love my husband. We are on the brink of divorce. I'm absolutely devastated and heart broken. I'm a broken girl crying and praying to God on a daily basis to heal our hearts, desperate for a miracle. This is not what I want and have told him many times that I want to fight for us, so this is my last saving grace to show him through actions that I want to save our marriage.
My main reason to start this journey is to save my marriage. My husband is worth the fight and I'm not willing to give up, we are worth the fight....
Some that have done the Love Dare know that this is a selfish reason in the beginning, but I also know I desperately need a better relationship with God more than anything in my life right now. I go to church, I teach Sunday school, read my bible, pray with my children, but still feel such a yearning to know Him more and surrender myself completely to Him, which is something I have never done. I am selfish. I am angry. I am bitter. I am broken.
My hope is that while you are following in my journey, that you don't feel alone. That you find something relatable and know that there is always support. I know this is such a personal journey, but I feel the importance to share with others is a very important step in coping. To know that it's ok to be broken. It's ok to cry and feel like you are falling apart and you don't have to have it all together all the time. That is something I have struggled with deeply my whole life. I have major control issues and am just recently in the last couple years learning how to let go and Let God have control.
I need forgiveness and I need my savior. I need to feel unconditional love. I need to learn how to love unconditionally and selflessly, expecting nothing in return. Only then will I know how God wants us to live not of worldly emotions and things, but of His world, to learn to love others like Christ loves us. We are always denying Him and He still loves us unconditionally, even when we don't deserve it.
This is my journey. 40 days.....
Day 1:
I have told my husband that I am starting this journey via text and asked him to have patience with
me for things I may ask or do for him. He just said ok.
No negative words are spoken from my mouth today....so far, so good.
If you have never seen the movie Fireproof, I HIGHLY suggest it for any couples, whether you are having major problems or not. This is what the movie is about and the husband does the Love Dare for his wife.
http://www.fireproofthemovie.com/redirect.html
http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/06/Day-1-of-The-Love-Dare.aspx
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