Today's Dare
For today's dare, get two sheets of paper. On the first one, spend a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do the same with negative things on the second sheet. Place both sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose and plan for each. At some point during the remainder of the day, pick a positive attribute from the first list and thank your spouse for having this characteristic.Today was a special day. I had a couple mini-victories! They may not seem big in someone else's eyes, but I know they were big steps for me and the way I'm learning to react to situations. I text my husband this morning and his response to something I sent him came off very rude to me and I wasn't expecting it at all. Considering we were talking the night before and everything was cheerful I thought. A couple weeks ago if this would've happened, I would have blown up at him right away and let it ruin my whole day. The difference this time was that I was prepared spiritually for anything negative, ready for rejection. I told him how his response came off and I hope his day gets better, to let God keep his heart open and that I loved him.
He later explained to me that he was sorry what he said came off rude, that wasn't how he meant it. He was trying to let me know that he wants me to be "spirit lead" and not "emotion lead" when I send him things to read or watch. He doesn't want to feel smothered or having things forced on him. That just because it inspired or touched me deeply, it doesn't mean it's meant for him as well. But, if I really feel like God is leading me to send him something specific, then go ahead.
I understand where he's coming from and I told him Ive just been so happy and excited about the change God is doing and what I have been learning and he's the ONE person I want to share it with the most.
That's where patience of healing comes in. I have to remind myself that this is a loooong process and that I can't have my best friend back right away. It's been along time since we have had that bond of friendship and it takes time to grow.
Later in the day I dropped our son off along with some groceries that I told him I would be getting for him just to help out, he seemed genuinely grateful! We had a nice hug, looked each other in the eyes and had a nice "moment" together. For a second, I saw my husband I have longed to be connected with for so long.
I left with a huge smile on my face, butterflies in my stomache and my heart was full!
Onto today's dare....
To my surprise, the lists I had to make today about his "negative & positive attributes" were equally easy to make. If it was a couple weeks ago, the negative would have outweighed the positive tremendously! Haha!
The difficult part was picking which one positive attribute to compliment him on. So I told him that I'm really proud of the father he has become and I love how much love he shows our kids and has been a great role model for them. That it hasn't gone unnoticed.
Also, that I'm sorry for not always taking the lessons he was trying to teach me more seriously and that I know he always has our best interest at heart. I apologized for not letting him lead our family more and always putting up a fight for things I didn't understand. That my trust and control issues have nothing to do with him, they have just been something I have always struggled with.
He said thanks and we hung up.
I wonder how many times Dads are told that they are doing a good enough job as fathers? Do they feel unappreciated as much as us Moms do? Probably.
I know for me, a compliment or praise can carry me through the whole week! I'm a person that loves a compliment and being praised for something I have chosen to do for another. (I know we all do, just some of us more than others.)
What God has been teaching me so far is that we have to re-teach ourselves to do the kind things without praise. Only then will we learn true sacrificial love and actually it will make us happier too!
We need to focus on our spouses positive instead of the negative.
(Remind yourself of some of the reasons you married them!)
We need to BELIEVE THE BEST in others and not become heart hardened. It's so much easier said than done, especially when resentment and anger come sneaking their way into our minds and choose to camp out there for awhile.
I challenge you today to compliment your spouse or a friend on something they would least expect. Who knows... maybe it will carry them throughout their stressed out day and make everything a little more bearable.
http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/12/Love-Dare-Day-7.aspx
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