Today's Dare
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.Today went pretty great to be honest. Nothing miraculous in terms of changing our relationship, but major changes in myself are happening. I saw my husband this morning for a bit and asked him how he was doing and if there was anything I could do for him...of course, he said no.
I said, "Ok, well I know that since you quit your job just recently you probably don't have much money and I don't either, but I'd like to buy you some groceries...just to help out."
I told him that he doesn't need to come with me, because I'm trying to respect his request for space, but to just give me a list and I will go on Monday and drop it off to him. He said ok and that was it.
I also ended up leaving him a note on his car when I left that said,
"Marrying you was the best decision I have ever made in my life and I CHOSE you out of all the men in the world to be my husband and I will continue to always fight for you."
I don't know if the notes and words of encouragement make any difference, but it's just what I feel at the time that God is calling me to do, to continually let him know that he's loved....even when his heart is hardened.
I then spent a few hours with a very good friend of mine that is a mutual friend of ours and we took our boys that are the same age to have lunch/playdate at the park and I really enjoyed catching up and getting her input on our situation because her and her husband respect and care very deeply for both of us. It's good to get an outside perspective that's non-biased. I also shared with her my journey so far and the realizations I was coming to and how I knew God was completely breaking me down, stripping me of everything I know and taking me out of my comfort and things I rely on.....
TO REBUILD ME.
This is by far the most painful experience of my life, because it's long and drawn out and hurts me to the core of my heart and soul. I know that no matter what happens between my husband and I, that my faith and love for God will be strengthened more than it ever has and that my complete submission and trust in Him is a hard lesson I need to learn. It is ONLY through our hardships that we can be molded into the people that God WANTS us to be.
I mean think about it!...HE CREATED US! He created the galaxies, oceans, and down to the small mustard seed. He is so incredibly amazing! It is beyond anything we can fathom with our human minds or have words for.
But the reality is, everyday we disappoint him. Everyday we fail Him. Everyday, we don't deserve His never ending love......
There is a happy ending, He ALREADY gave His only son to take our failures and loves us unconditionally!! We definitely don't deserve that, nor have we earned it.
He just loves us THAT MUCH!
I've learned a lot about prayer lately and the constant importance of it. I mean REALLY praying! The act of it and the mindset of it. Taking time throughout my day to stop and talk with Him, giving Him thanks for everything that's happening to me because I know deep down, it's for a greater purpose that I just don't understand right now.
It's absolutely scary, especially for someone like me, that has to have control of everything all the time.
But in reality, I've never had control. None of us do.
I have asked God every morning before my feet touch the floor, to allow myself to be a vessel of His good work and teach me something new today that I didn't know yesterday and to help me become more intimate with Him....He has given me everything I've asked.
I'm finally asking Him for things not out of selfish needs and wants, but out of surrendering completely to what HE WANTS for me.
Watch this video and just STOP & THINK about how amazing our God is! This is incredible!
http://youtu.be/NnnSS0_-xoA
The AWE factor!
http://youtu.be/3Ya12I036lg
http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/09/Love-Dare-Day-4.aspx
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