Love Dare: Day 31 Love and Marriage

Today's Dare

Is there a "leaving" issue you haven't been brave enough to conquer yet?  Confess it to your spouse today, and resolve to make it right.  The oneness of your marriage is dependent upon it.  Follow this with a commitment to your spouse and to God to make your marriage the top priority over every other human relationship.


   Marriage changes everything. You have another person that sees everything you do and all your flaws and all your weaknesses. You are completely transparent no matter how much you try to hide your "imperfections". This is incredibly frightening and leaves you vulnerable to hurt, but this can be incredibly freeing and beautiful. To have another that God chose to love you unconditionally.
That's why God made marriage.

   This chapter goes deeper into the issue of oneness and unity. If you haven't read my last dare, read 30 first. This is sort of a continuation. This chapter reviews "leaving" & "cleaving" and what it could do to your marriage. I don't think me or my husband have any personal issues with our parents with "leaving". Our parents have been a great support system and counselors for us, through all of our struggles. 

As this chapter states:

“Cleaving” carries the idea of catching someone by pursuit, clinging to them as your new rock of refuge and safety.  This man is now the spiritual leader of  your new home, tasked with the responsibility of loving  you “just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:25).  This woman is now one in union with you, called to “see to it that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

As a result of this essential process, you are now free to become everything God meant when He declared you “one flesh.”

·        You are able to achieve oneness in your decision making, even when you begin from differing viewpoints.

·        You are able to achieve oneness in your priorities, even through you’ve come together from backgrounds that could hardly be more different.

            ·        You are able to achieve oneness in your sexual affections toward each other, even if either of both of you have memories of impurity in your pre-marital past.

"If this is not how things are going in your home right now, you’re unfortunately in the majority.  It’s not out of character for couples of all kinds – even Christian couples – to ignore God’s design for marriage, thinking they know better than He does. Genesis 2:24 may have sounded nice and noble when it was wrapped around the sharing of vows at the wedding.  But as a fundamental principle to be put into place and practiced as a living fact – this just seems too difficult to do.  But this is what you must make any sacrifice to reclaim."

   I'm saddened to know that most marriages (including my own) have ignored Gods design for their marriage. That's why the divorce rate is almost 50%!! The harsh reality of marriage is all too often too much for most people to bear. They give up. They say, "I quit" and throw in the towel.

That's not what God calls us to do for our spouses, there is always a way, even if it takes years. It's worth the fight. God doesn't make mistakes. He marries 2 people and uses those people to teach and help one another through life's struggles. To mold together as one. He gives us one excuse as an out for our marriage and that's infidelity, but as terrible of a devastation as that is to a marriage, that isn't un-healable. Some marriages are strong enough to work through it and it may take many years and some marriages aren't. 

   My pastor said in a sermon not too long ago that he had one solution for most marital problems in the years of marriage counseling that he did, he said..."GROW UP". 
Those 2 words struck a cord. You're either offended or convicted when you hear that, but it's true. We all just need to stop being childish and grow up! We honestly fight like small kids in our marriage sometimes, pointing the finger and saying, "well, you did this, so I'm going to do that!" To justify our wrong behavior. 
Tit for tat...We are ALL guilty of this! 
This causes us to not be united in our decision making and our priorities. It causes weakness and cracks in our marriage and over time, with all the cracks...it shatters. Trust me, I'm sharing from personal experience. You think it would never happen to your family or your marriage. But the enemy finds weaknesses in your marriage and works on them over time. If you can stay united and completely agree that divorce is NOT an option and you must find a way to make it work, then your relationship will be that much stronger. I thought it would never be a reality for us. But here we are, separated for 4 months and the longer we live apart, the better chance we will never be together again. The thought of that reality devastates me! I want nothing more than to be back in my home with my babies and my husband, waking up to him by my side. Every couple fights and disagreements, but at least we would be together. Divorce is never an option for me, for millions of Americans, it sadly is. 
To be  honest, it seems like marriage doesn't mean anything these days but a tax break and a piece of paper stating you were in a relationship for awhile. Your kids get the worst part of divorce, they are now raised in broken homes, all because 2 people couldn't "grow up". I bet people wouldn't be so quick to marry if they really knew the reality it brought. Its the hardest thing you will ever do in your life! I've heard this soooo many times, but it never sunk in until I was married, then I knew what REAL hard was! Marriage is a lifetime commitment and people are so quick to give up on it. Take your time and choose your partner wisely and then don't give up on them...ever!!!! God gives us a beautiful blueprint for our marriage, when we steer away from that, that's when we get in trouble. The world tells us something different and it's so easy to get swayed in the wrong direction and think we can do things our way and what the worldy advice tells us, Gods instructions are clear. They are just very difficult to follow sometimes, especially in a world full of temptations and darkness. 
That's when you remind yourself that He is our light!!!!

Here is a great article called "Divorcing societys ideals for marriage", highly suggest the read!
http://fiercemarriage.com/divorcing-societys-ideals-for-marriage

"No one can go back and change how it started but a new future can begin for any marriage the moment one person begins to invest in it." -Fawn Weaver

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/02/05/Love-Dare-Day-31.aspx