Today's Dare
Find a marriage mentor - someone who is a strong Christian and who will be honest and loving with you. If you feel that counseling is needed, then take the first step to set up an appointment. During this process, ask God to direct your decisions and discernment.I feel incredibly blessed to have a small group of girlfriends that I can go to for anything, but mostly for Spiritual advice. Especially since my separation from my husband in January. I have been careful not to stray out of my "sister circle" to get REAL advice. Other people may know my circumstances, but they don't know my heart and who's advice and guidance I take to heart has to be very selective. I've had to learn this the hard way. Just because you are close with someone, doesn't mean they have the best advice to give you.
For a long while, I was tremendously worried for my husband spiritually. I still am. He had become so withdrawn from me (and still is to a point) and seemed to be becoming a complete stranger to me. A man I once knew to light up a room with his love, carefree, funny personality, was gone. His eyes seem empty sometimes still and the further I try to pull him back, the further he pulls away. He has admitted to me in the past since our separation, that he stopped reading his Bible, stopped seeing his "Christian brothers" on a regular basis and stopped staying connected in the church and drew away for a time because he became mad at God. When I heard this, my heart broke. I understood his hurt and I wanted so badly just to hold him and tell him that everything's going to be ok and we're going to be fine. But we both know that would be a lie. We don't know anything.
He has just recently started getting connected again to church, which makes me really happy, but there is still so much distance between us. We have started going to marriage counseling through our church again for the past month and a half and it seems to help us get some issues out on the table and tell our side and sort through all the "junk" and the other person has to listen without interruption. I love going, even if it's heavy and it doesn't end cheerfully, (I always end up crying at some point), even if we don't come to a complete resolution, atleast its one time every other week that we can completely hear each other out. It's effort and for that, I'm grateful. We aren't at all where I would like us to be yet. I have requested to move back in multiple times and invited him over for dinner or family time on a weekly basis and the answer is always, no. It hurts my heart and I feel like I'm just torturing myself repeatedly. Honestly, I don't know if there will be the happy ending that I want so badly and I guess I have to accept that that may be a reality, but I'm not going to give up. I will always let him know he's loved and admired by his wife, even when he doesn't want to hear it. Having our mutual friend as our marriage counselor is helpful because he is completely honest and biblically teaches us what Christ asks of us through our marriage. It's a tremendously difficult thing to be broken down and hurt repeatedly by the one person in the world you gave yourself to as a life partner and go through the process of forgiveness and heal to love one another...again. To find the purpose in the pain that has happened and use it to strengthen us, our marriage and our family.
I will never give up hope.
"Sometimes relationships grow stronger through conflict. But other times relationships end. Because I can't control the other person, I must keep focusing on the good God is doing in me through this, and leave the outcome with Him." -Lisa TerKeurst
http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/02/09/Love-Dare-Day-35.aspx
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