Surrender & Trust

 This semester at church, I recently joined a growth group called "Stuck". It is about the places we get stuck in our lives and how God can set us free. It has brought up a lot of painful memories & hurts of my past & present, but all things that I need to give to God and allow proper healing. Through this study, I have also learned a lot about how much I still hold on to and can't seem to let go of. It is like it's a part of my identity and without it, I don't know who I am. It has all molded me into who I am today and the type of Mom and Wife I am. This is a good and bad.
 I sometimes realize I have become the exact thing I was running away from & never wanted to become and some days I am so proud of who I am & what I have gone through and actually came out a somewhat sane and normal person and I'm not locked up in a padded cell somewhere because I've lost my mind and gone cookoo!
 The thing is, we hold onto so much anxiety, pain, fear and stress because if we let go we feel like we have lost all control when in reality we have no control at all. We live in a society where "perfection" is expected and all our flaws are analyzed and pointed out and people remember the negative about you waaay more than the positive. We have daily fear & anxiety of losing our jobs, not pleasing everyone, keeping our kids safe. Stress from our marriage, relationships, families, and keeping the perfect "front" so people don't know how broken you are.  I don't know about you, but all that is enough to make anyone have a mental break-down. How do we cope on a daily basis when we are all so fragile and so close to going over the edge?

God asks us to surrender & trust.

All He wants us to do is open up our hearts and minds to Him. Allow Him to repair it little by little. All our stories are different, but we are all connected. He made each and every one of us for a purpose. A purpose that has already been in the works since the day we were born. Everything we have gone through up till today has been for a specific reason- and only He knows why.
God is asking us, "Do you trust me?"
Some days, I can answer a very definite and profound YES! Other days, not so much. My stubbornness and pride takes over and I have to be the one in control. Then, when things don't go my way, I cowardly turn inside myself and realize, I was never in control in the first place. I will learn this lesson over and over again in life. This will always be a struggle for me. I have to constantly remind myself that by surrendering everything, we find freedom.