I have been praying HARD for God to convict my heart. To remove anything that doesnt align with what He wants for me. To break me of my worldy views and make my heart more like His.
Its working.
Im going to use this very touchy subject as my example because its my most recent struggle, so bear with me...
This past weekend was a HUGE shock to America, gay marriage was legalized in ALL 50 states. Lots of people celebrating and lots of people turned to their Bibles.
To most of us, it looked like a war broke out between Skittles and the confederate flag on our Facebook pages, haha!...but seriously it brought out a war!
People deleting friends and family members over their differences of opinion and people being so mean and bullying others online, it was cruel and unneccessary.
It was a hard weekend for alot of people, its a hard topic to talk about. Period.
As a person who has many people in my life that I care about that are in the LGBT community, I have a heart that has compassion and love for this community. I am happy for them to have the same state rights as anyone else, its not my job to judge, be unkind or to tell them who they can or cant be in a loving relationship with between 2 consenting adults. I support families that fight to stay together, no matter what they look like..mostly because growing up, mine was so broken. I would've loved to have 2 loving parents that were present- no matter what sex they were.
But, I have to be honest, I was torn inside. As I watched people at war in front of me, I felt as though I was standing on the battle line, smack dab in the middle! Being pulled on each side. The war is real inside of me and I know this is true for alot of people ( thats why I'm sharing this).
As a Christian, I was so conflicted between my worldy views and my biblical views.
The enemy was so strong in my mind. To the point where I cried to my husband telling him that I felt unworthy of Gods love and not good enough to be a Christian because those thoughts were still in my mind. Thinking to myself...
"Well, since I think that, then I guess I don't believe in the Bible, then I guess that makes me a hippocrite and not a follower of Jesus Christ. Im a fake and I'm not worthy of His love or to lead anyone else to Him. I should just give in now, because Im never gonna change my thinking, I'm always going to have these world views, even though its been a few years now since I devoted myself to Him. I'm too stubborn to let Him change me. Blah Blah Blah!!..."
BAM!!! That was the enemy soooo loud in my ear for so many years and especially last weekend!
I cried, prayed and talked to not only my husband, but confessed my thoughts to 2 very close Christian sisters- both who helped me process, understand and tackle the war inside of me.
They reminded me of this...
"We cant compromise our Biblical convictions for this. We are to love everyone the way Jesus does! Without a doubt! But, as Christians we are called to protect what God has ordained. We are to shine Gods light out into the world and show compassion and love, not hate. To stear people to Gods truth and sometimes that uncomfortable, but we can ALL get along and love one another."
The thing is, I had my mindset all wrong this WHOLE time! I was wired to think that I had to stay away from sinners, not pour love on them, not show compassion and definitely not have them in my life. Why would I think that?! I'm a sinner!
Because, thats what the world has shown us. Taking their hateful, close-minded, fearful and ignorant behaviors and calling them "Christian". (Hello!- Westboro Baptist Church!)
In reality, its so far from the truth and what God calls us to be.
Thats not what Jesus has shown us, he looked for the unworthy, he seeked out the sinners!
(Hello! -Apostle Paul who killed Christians and felt completely unworthy of Gods love, but God chose him to lead!)
I yearn so badly to get to know God more, to let Him lead me and change my heart to be more like His (even though I fail miserably everyday and know He deserves way more from me). But, I know that the Bible is very clear on that worldy lifestyle and continuously living in sin (no matter what it is!). Im a sinner and feel I dont deserve His love- none of us do. But he loves us anyways. He loves even the sinners, He cries for us and wants us to turn to Him and away from worldy sin and run into His arms.
My pastor told our church this weekend that nothing good came out of this change of law. I can see where he's coming from, but for me personally, I have to disagree- It brought enlightenment and a change inside me that I finally got it! I finally understood.
I have devoted my life to be a Christian. That means I cant pick and choose what fits me (which is what Ive always done, old habits!) it means I need to follow and be the example.
My husband reminded me of how many people are following me, not just in our family, but through social media and my work. I'm out there (you're reading this!) and people are watching my every step and soaking up every word I say and I need to ask myself...
"Am I leading them Angeys way or Gods way?"
That hit me hard. I have a HUGE responsibility to speak truth, even if I'm still struggling myself. That my calling is to stear people in the ways of the Lord with gentleness, kindness and love.
This is a perfect example of the war between the spirit and the flesh. Thats the war inside of me and everyone else everyday! For everyone thats different, some its alcohol or drugs, pornography, bad language, lying, deceit, stealing, etc...we all have sin!
Thats WHY we need a SAVIOR!! We need God because we CAN'T do this evil world on our own. We WILL fail without Him.
"We need to continously walk in a manner worthy of the Lord." (Col.1:10) (1 Thess 2:12)
"Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called." (Phill 1:27)
"Your suffering is evidence of the righteous judgement of God, that you may be considered worthy of the kingdom of God, for which you are also suffering." (2 Thess 1:5)
The point of these verses that Paul has shared is not to tell us that there is an impossible standard we can never meet. But, to tell us what normal Christianity looks like. It is a life worthy of our calling, worthy of the Lord and worthy of the Kingdom. Worthy of us!
I leave you with this...
