Love Dare: Day 28 Love makes Sacrifices

Today's Dare

What is one of the greatest needs in your spouse's life right now?  Is there a need you could lift from their shoulders today by a daring act of sacrifice on your part?  Whether the need is big or small, purpose to do what you can to meet the need.

   Over the past couple weeks, I have had many needs that haven't been met. The frustration has made me lose focus on Gods work in me and made me have more self-pity and irritability toward my spouse all the while, losing confidence and it takes days for me to get focused on the dare I'm on or the lesson the Lord is trying to teach me. I have verbally told him of the emotionally needs and get upset when they aren't met. So I turn inward and I get selfish.
I don't want to give him what he wants either because my needs aren't being met as well, and the horrible ego and pride-filled cycle happens once more! "I'm not going to give you what you want, because I'm not getting what I want!"....Sound familiar!? 

   It takes one person to put down the pride sword, say your sorry, try to mend the wounds you caused each other during that fight and SACRIFICE! Sacrifice your pride, ego and your own personal desires for the other and make it right! Why is this soooo hard to do? I think it's because we are all obsessed with me, me, me all the time that we forget about WE, WE, WE! 
It's hard for us to help our spouse when we are so focused on our own pain that we forget they need our constant encouragement as well. As I'm writing this and saying this to you, it is also a reminder for myself. I am FAR from a perfect spouse! Most the time, I would never want to be married to myself, so I need to give my husband room to falter and make mistakes. He's far from the perfect spouse either, so I can't expect him to meet my every need. We need to let our spouses know that we care about them, that we hear them and they matter to us! 

Like this chapter says, the words "How can I help you?" need to stay fresh on our lips!
Maybe it's just listening to your spouse while they vent about their bad day (they don't always need you to fix it, just listen), maybe do something they want to do on an outing this time and you do what you want next time, or letting them pick the movie, or doing a chore for them that you know they really hate. Just anything to let them know that you care! Love sacrificially! That's a lesson I'm having to re-learn over and over and struggle terribly with some days.
I am so guilty of not doing this enough, and that's very convicting for me.
The lesson I'm learning this week is that the more we help them, the more we are helping ourselves.

"Love isn't about feeling good. It's about doing what you DON'T want to do, over and over again, if it needs to be done, for the sake of someone else. Love is really about self-sacrifice."  -Meg Meeker, MD

http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/02/02/Love-Dare-Day-28.aspx

Love Dare: Day 27 Love Encourages

Today's Dare

Eliminate the poison of unrealistic expectations in your home.  Think of one area where your spouse has told you you're expecting too much, and tell them you're sorry for being so hard on them about it.  Promise them you'll seek to understand, and assure them of your unconditional love.

 

   Progress is happening! Last night, my husband and I went on our first official date since the middle of last year! We went wine tasting, then I made him dinner at his house. We had great conversation, talked about God working in our lives, what's going on with our families, etc. Then we picked up our son from the sitter and spent the night together as a family. To wake up next to your husband is a great feeling! To hold him and feel the closeness again is something NEVER want to take for granted! We are slowly coming back together and letting God heal our hearts. It's not an easy process and we still have bad days where we don't get along perfectly, but we are sooo much further along than we were even a month ago!

   With todays dare, I have to be completely honest...Most of my fights with my husband start because I had expectations that weren't met. I thought I deserved something to be done the way I wanted it and when it didn't happen that way, I get VERY upset! He can contest to this as well. Haha! I know that its because I'm a perfectionist and play out certain scenarios in my head as to how I want them to be and then get incredibly disappointed when the scenario that I created in my mind is a huge let down from reality. I'm a daydreamer. I daydream ALL day long about different things and create things in my mind as to how I want them to play out and when I wake from the dream and its completely opposite in real life, I let it ruin my whole day and we end up getting into an argument about something so stupid that wasn't even a big deal to begin with. He didn't meet my expectations of something and now I'm frustrated and  mad. I will admit- I have been guilty of throwing a fit or two and then I feel like a complete idiot afterwards and have a lot of making up to do because I decided to have ugly behavior toward someone that I vowed to love and respect and is imperfect and will NEVER meet my needs 100%.

  The first paragraph in this chapter says, " Unrealistic expectations breed disappointment. The higher your expectations, the more likely your spouse will fail you and cause you frustration."

This couldn't be said any better!! This is not to say that we can't have any expectations at all, because we all have preferences and our own way of doing things and expect our spouse to meet our many needs. We used to bend over backwards for our mate when we first dated, tending to their every need and going out of our way to make them feel loved. Over time, this fades. We get into routine. We get busy. We let life get in the way of loving our spouse the way they need us to and we stop encouraging them. Instead, we start constantly discouraging them and telling them only the things they aren't doing right and aren't making us happy. That's what happened with my marriage. It was constant discouragement and lack of attention to each others needs that broke us down.

   We need to lift each other up, even through the frustration of unmet expectations. The more they feel loved, the more they will want to go out of their way to lift you up as well and meet your needs.

1 Thessalonians 5:11 says, "Encourage one another and build up one another.."

We all need to feel loved and desired. If your spouse has verbally told you that you make them feel insecure and beat down, you need to take it seriously! We need to be our spouses #1 cheerleader!! Even when we feel like they don't deserve it. Lift them up & encourage them. This is sometimes sooo much easier said than done and some days this will be the hardest thing to accomplish. I promise you, if you continually pour God's love into your spouse, they will return it back to you. It may not be right away, but it will happen eventually. Learn to love unconditionally, expecting nothing in return. That is how Jesus loves us...unconditionally.

 

 

 

http://www.klove.com/BLOG/post/2010/02/01/Love-Dare-Day-27.aspx

Love Dare: Day 26 Love is Responsible

Today's Dare

Take time to pray through your areas of wrongdoing.  Ask for God's forgiveness, then humble yourself enough to admit them to your spouse.  Do it sincerely and truthfully.  Ask your spouse for forgiveness as well.  No matter how they respond, make sure you cover your responsibility in love.  Even if they respond with criticism, accept it by receiving it as counsel.

   For the past week I haven't moved past Dare 26. I have had a lot of family issues that came up suddenly & everything else has been put on hold. This past week has been emotionally & spiritually draining and over-whelming for me. I haven't been focused on my dares and I haven't been focused on Gods work in me. I've had very little sleep and it's been hard to keep my mind focused on anything. I have felt a lot of guilt for this, but know that I had to take care of some other responsibilities and things I have been asked to take care of.
   This is a hard chapter for me...well, the 1st sentence of this chapter says, "Today will be hard."...That's an understatement. We all have a hard time with personal responsibility. It's hard to admit when we've made mistakes, no one wants to be wrong. That's why there are so many prideful people (like myself). Everyone points out the faults of others to justify their actions. We all have been guilty of this. That our wrong-doings are ok, because someone else has done worse in our eyes. We put blame on others and excuse ourselves. This is a very difficult thing not to do.
We need to stop passing blame and judgement and start taking responsibility for our own actions and wrong doings. If we hurt our spouse (or anyone else) in ANY way, we need to apologize and try to make it right. Even if you think you did nothing wrong. Your spouses hurt is a valid emotion they are having to something you did.
It's not about being wrong or right, it's about taking responsibility for hurting another person, either intentionally or unintentionally. We have to take our hurts to the Lord. We are all sinners and we have all hurt other people, some more than others. In 1 John:8-9 it says, "If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. However, if we confess our sins, God is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all righteousness."
 
   In this chapter it asks us if we have wronged or wounded our spouse in any way and never made it right. Part of taking responsibility is admitting when you've failed & asking for forgiveness. God wants there to be no unresolved issues between the two of you. They say, to do this sincerely you MUST swallow your pride and seek forgiveness. Ask God to convict you, where you need convicting, then get right with your spouse. You don't want small problems to keep rearing their ugly heads because you never properly worked out that issue & now it's a HUGE issue that has created lots of resentment. When that happens, it's a lot harder to work through the issue that was initially  just a "small thing" or sometimes it's big things that we never properly work through and heal from and a result is a whole lot of damage that's done because of built up anger, resentment and insecurity  about it. Both of these small and big issues have been things we haven't properly worked through in our marriage and now almost 4 years later, divorce was a heavy reality for us.
   Soooo, the bottom line of this chapter and dare is to make right what you did wrong! We have ALL hurt our spouses in some way and we need to take their hurt seriously! We are called by God to do that. To stop justifying our wrong doings by pointing out others faults and putting the blame elsewhere. None of us are perfect and we will never be and we can't expect our spouse to be either. But, if we know they are hurting, we need to be there for them and help them heal...through love.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/31/Love-Dare-Day-26.aspx

When the world wants us to change....

    Since I've started this blog and more in particular "The Love Dare", I have had a surprising amount of people contact me personally to tell me how much they love reading the blog, that it's really inspirational and gives them encouragement and strength for their personal struggles. That in itself encourages me to keep going and not give up, even on the days I feel no motivation and it's just a bad day, so I love getting confirmation that it is reaching the right people at a time when they need it! I know that God is using me for a bigger purpose than just my marriage and as a Christian. It's to be a light in a dark world.
   The other day, I had a conversation with one of my best friends and she is very spiritually open minded, very hippy-ish lifestyle. I love her for who she is! I used to believe everything she does before I gave myself to Christ. We respect each other's beliefs, even though we may not agree on them. I think it's healthy to have friends of different belief systems, it challenges you and makes you stand firm in your foundation of your core beliefs. It makes for great debate conversations too! Haha!

   She had called to see how I was doing and said she read a little bit of my blog, but she couldnt read a lot because it was very "Christian-y" and she had a hard time relating to all the scripture I had posted in it. I told her, I understand and it can be a bit overwhelming, but try to understand the underlying lesson in it all. She agreed and suggested that I maybe make a few changes. To get more people to my blog and more viewers, maybe not put so much scripture in it and a little less "Jesus talk" and  more universal words for everyone, like just God as a general statement. She was making a general suggestion to make it more relatable for others that weren't just Christian. I could have gotten really mad & defensive about this, but I told her I understood what she was saying...I then shared with her that I wasn't writing the blog (love dare) to please people or make them comfortable. I'm writing because I feel that is what God is calling me to do. To share honestly and be transparent in the real life problems we all have and writing it as a Christian. I can only write it in that perspective, because that's what I am. I am yearning to be more Christ-like and this is my journey. She understood and said that she would try to not be be so close minded and try to read it again. That's why I LOVE that friendship! We can be brutally honest with one another, not take offense and can challenge one another.
   I thought about that conversation for the whole next day and how much I appreciated that she said that to me. I have had so many people praise me, and she was the first one to challenge me. We need that. It allowed me to stand firm and explain. It allowed me to reflect on how many times the world has and will try to get me to change to its standards, not of God's. We are constantly being tempted to change or go against God's will for our lives. He asks us to be bold in our faith, everyday glorifying Him in everything we do and being obedient to His will in our lives. When we had this conversation, I immediately thought of  Matthew 10: 32-33 Jesus says, "Whoever acknowledges me before others, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before others, I will disown before my Father in heaven." I don't know about you, but this verse scares me to death! To know that I would be disowned by my Lord in Heaven because I didn't acknowledge Him in my life to others...that's a scary thought and reality.

So, I leave you with this....
Be bold, don't deny your faith to comfort others just because they don't have your same view. Don't change to worldy expectations and views and love one another despite your differences. That's what God calls us to do.

Love Dare:Day 25 Love Forgives

Today's Dare

Whatever you haven't forgiven in your mate, forgive it today.  Let it go. Just as we ask Jesus to "forgive us our debts" each day, we must ask Him to help us "forgive our debtors" each day as well.  Unforgiveness has been keeping you and your spouse in prison too long.  Say from your heart, "I choose to forgive."


   I've been on this dare for a couple days now. Really thinking about what it means to forgive. I feel like everyday I'm forgiving for things over and over again. Why is this such a hard thing to do? We feel hurt, betrayed, angry and bitter by others. Those are really hard emotions to let go of. 
In Matthew 18:21-22, it tells us a story of Peter. He asked Jesus how many times he had to forgive others who sin against him and Jesus said, "not 7 times, but 77 times." 
This tells me a few things...Peter had just as much of a hard time forgiving others that hurt him as I do and Jesus commands us to forgive over and over again, and often times for the same thing. We can't seem to let things go because we still hang on to the hurt that others inflict on us. When we don't forgive and move on, it builds up and eats us up inside. The result is bitterness, anger and resentment. All of which cause huge problems in marriage...it did in mine. Things I thought I forgave him for, would come up later and cause arguments and I was constantly resentful and angry. Half the time, he didn't even realize it was even an issue. Like the saying goes...it's like taking poison and expecting the other to die. We allow the unforgiveness to take over our emotions and trickle into other areas of our life. It affects everything. How we are with our kids, to our spouse and our friendships. It makes us into people we aren't proud to be and certainly isn't being Christ-like. 

   In this chapter, it made a really impactful point, "When you forgive another person, you're not turning them loose. You're just turning them over to God, who can be counted on to deal with them in His way. It's not about winning or losing anymore. It's about freedom. It's about letting go. But great marriages are not created by people who never hurt each other, only by people who choose to keep "no record of wrongs". (1corinthians 13:5)"

  Forgiving others isn't easy, but neither is forgiving ourselves. That can be an even harder challenge. We hold on to our own sins of the past and carry them into our future. Our mistakes/sins change us. They bring us down roads we couldn't imagine going down because we can't seem to release it and let it go. We are held captive by the guilt and shame of sins of our past. 
We become addicts. Finding comfort and forgetting about our past by masking it and putting a temporary band-aid on it. Drinking, doing drugs, eating disorders, addictions of any kind. They become the vices we turn to to "deal" with the unforgiveness we don't give ourselves. 

In 1 Timothy 1:15-16, it's says, "Christ Jesus came into this world to save sinners, of whom I am the worst. But for that very reason I was shown mercy so that in me, the worst of sinners, Christ Jesus might display his immense patience as an example for those who would believe in Him and receive eternal life."
  There is nothing we can do to lose God's love for us. Jesus came to save sinners like you and me. Let God heal your heart and forgive others and yourself. We are all imperfect and will never live up to God's standards & noone will live up to ours. We will constantly be let down by others and our expectations will not always be met. Once we remind ourselves of that on a daily basis, things won't negatively impact us so much and we will be able to let go and let God.


http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/30/Love-Dare-Day-25.aspx

Love Dare: Day 24 Love vs. Lust

Today's Dare

End it now.  Identify every object of lust in your life and remove it.  Single out every lie you've swallowed in pursuing forbidden pleasure and reject it.  Lust cannot be allowed to live in a back bedroom.  It must be killed and destroyed - today - and replaced with the sure promises of God and a heart filled with His perfect love.


   We live in a world where everything is handed to us easily. We have learned to have this sense of entitlement and think we deserve to have bigger and better all the time. We also have grown accustomed to instant gratification. All of these things are a deadly combination for lust. 
When we think of lust, the first thing that pops into our heads is lusting after another person, to desire someone, but it goes waaaay beyond that. We lust after desires of wanting more. Seeking worldly desires instead of Gods desires for us. There is nothing wrong with wanting things, but when they take your focus off of Gods work and desire in your life, then it's a problem.

   We can have lust for many things. Other people, a bigger house, a more expensive car, the newest phone, a bigger TV, expensive jewelry, the newest gadgets or even spoiling our kids with the best new toys all the time.
   My biggest weakness in lusting has been my longtime passion for fashion! I worked in LA as a model for 8 years and loved the attention it brought with it. I was also a manager and assistant buyer of a women's boutique there as well and soon had a huge collection of super trendy, beautiful clothing! That addiction carried out for along time and as a woman that loves fashion, it's a hard one to break. I lusted after what other women had and I wanted it, so I got it! I had no one at the time keeping me accountable for putting my desires ahead of my responsibilities and I got myself into trouble financially because of it. I was irresponsible and to this day it's something I still fight, but I much better now than I was. I only started being convicted about this when my husband and I got married. I still had my bad shopping habits and it didn't help that I started working at another women's clothing store. After I quit that job, I really realized how much stuff I had that I didn't "need". It was all desires! The other girls had it, so I wanted it too, I rationalized my actions by thinking I earned it and deserved it, that was the mindset that made my husband and I argue about that topic over and over again everytime I brought a shopping bag home. It's taken a couple years for me to fully grasp what I was doing was wrong. I have even been guilty of lusting after other women's wedding rings, thinking mine wasn't big enough compared to other girls. That I deserved an upgrade sometime. Thinking that my husbands love for me has to be shown through how big my ring is (which a lot of people think the same way obviously, because of celebrities flashing their million dollar huge rocks on their little tiny fingers!). This is such a ridiculous, worldly view that it makes me sick to think that way...but only through me having to be completely stripped of everything have i gotten better and having to refrain from buying everything I want. If it's an item I need that comes up, then I don't feel to bad about it. But I know so many other women with this same lust and addiction.
Society makes us think we deserve these things, WE DON'T!

  There are other lusts that are more detrimental to marriages, like lusting after the opposite sex. Sometimes we don't realize we are doing harm to ourselves or our spouse. We live dangerously close to sin sometimes. "Flirting" with temptation, never intending to partake because we are strong willed and "not that kind of person". That is pride and ego. We are all weak and it only takes one mistake to spiral out of control. We slowly move closer and closer until the temptation takes over. When our faith is weak is when we give into sin.
  We cannot flirt with sin! We cannot be near it and need to stay as far away from it as possible. But we can't do it on our strength, we need Gods strength to fight the battles of sin that the world throws at us everyday.
The chapter said something that hit hard for me. It said, "Its time to expose lust for what it really is- a misguided thirst of satisfaction that only God can fulfill."

 We all deal with lust in some form in our lives. My hope is that as you read this, you are convicted as much as I am. Look up to The Lord to fulfill your needs and help you through it. He will ALWAYS give us what we need...


Bible verses on lust:

-"We have brought nothing into this world, so we cannot take anything out of it
either." (1 Timothy 6:7)
-"But these who want to get rich fall into temptation and a snare and many foolish and harmful desires which plunge men into ruin and destruction." (1Timothy 6:9)
-"Joseph was well built and handsome, and after a while his masters wife took notice of Joseph and said, "Come to bed with me!" (Genesis 39:6-7)
-" This is what The Lord says to me with his strong hand upon me, warning me not to follow the ways of these people" (Isaiah 8:11)
-"No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it." (1Corinthians 10:13)



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/29/Love-Dare-Day-24.aspx

Love Dare: Day 23 Love always Protects

Today's Dare

Remove anything that is hindering your relationship, any addiction or influence that's stealing your affections and turning your heart away from your spouse.

    My day today started off really early in the morning and was going really well, but took a turn for the worst about midday. I went to my husbands to visit and we ended up fighting over something that I wouldn't let go off and I over reacted about. We both ended up yelling out of frustration because we weren't understanding each other's sides. I knew that I couldn't leave there with us being mad at each other (especially after having such a great day with him yesterday), so I stayed for awhile. It was awkward silence. After a long while... I felt guilt and pride and knew I had to apologize and he should to. I did my part and said I was sorry I overreacted out of an old issue that I just needed to let go of and stop feeling like I needed to have control over. He said he was sorry too and we were able to hug it out and he gave me a kiss and I cried a few tears and told him that this was something I'm trying to work on with myself, control....ugh! I hate it! I went home feeling a little better but still in a "funk". I read my bible for awhile and focused on my dare for the day. This was a heavy one...I text him and shared with him that it was something I felt both of us should do to move forward.
    It explains that this also extends to any people in your life that could be harmful or poisonous to your marriage. This was one dare that turned my stomach because of my trust issues. I let him know about it and what was meant innocently, turned into a 2 hour texting fight. There was a lot of pride and ego in that conversation and a lot of hurt from the past brought up. And it didn't end well....
I know I probably could've brought it up at a better time, but I had no idea the conversation was going to go in the direction it did. I felt more hurt and frustration and just wanted the day to be over. We ALL have things in our lives that take away time from our spouse. Whether it's Facebook, Internet, TV, sports, entertainment, our cell phones or even friendships. Seeds of doubt that others put in our minds is poison for our marriage. We may not even realize the damage until it's too late. I am incredibly guilty of putting other things before my husband. Putting my time and energy into things that aren't important, rather than investing that time into my marriage and meeting my husbands needs. This is a great struggle for many people. 

   The lesson I learned today is this: If we hurt each other in ANY way, we need to make sure we SINCERELY apologize and make sure we try our best to heal our spouses wound. Even if we think we didn't do anything wrong. Our spouses hurt is a valid emotion of theirs that we need to take seriously. I feel a lot of resentment from past hurts and so does he. We need to learn to nurture our spouse back to health and become strong again as individuals and as a married couple. 
                                                            Protect and love your spouse!



http://www.klove.com/blog/post/2010/01/28/Love-Dare-Day-23.aspx